Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] I'm Jenny Brockbank and I am a daughter of God, mother of six, victim advocate and survivor of relational abuse.
[00:00:17] For years I wrestled with what it looks like to follow Christ when someone else's destructive behaviors were harming me and others.
[00:00:27] What I've been learning has surprised me.
[00:00:42] I'm inviting you to come learn with me about how Christ Light leads us through broken and bruised places into healing and peace.
[00:00:53] This is Healing in Christ Light.
[00:00:56] I am Jenny Brockbank and I'm honored to be here with you today. I know that it's been a long while since we've had a podcast episode and I'll fill in some of the details.
[00:01:07] This time last year me and my children were homeless due to post separation abuse and I'll fill in some of those details of my own story and experience.
[00:01:18] Today's episode is titled Let My People Go.
[00:01:22] This episode came about after I received a strong prompting to record this episode while I was at a retreat for Christian women that's called Heart of a Woman.
[00:01:33] Someone anonymous sponsored me and if they're listening I want to send a huge shout out and say thank you. I loved my time with like minded women and I soaked in my individual time with the Lord and I'm not kidding. I came home refreshed and ready to work. So I'm thrilled. I'm grateful. I will also state that my life is in an upheaval lately and it's doing better. It's calming down some, but it's still not calm. So I don't know when I will post another episode of Healing in Christ Light, but I will certainly listen to the whisperings of the Spirit about that. Before I jump into my own story, I need to let you know that my co host and dear friend Katie Willis is safe and looks forward to joining us when she is able.
[00:02:22] I speak with Katie often and we very much look forward to joining together again to learn about and to testify of Christ together on this podcast. Though we don't know the timing of that, I will let her fill in more details about her experiences when she is able.
[00:02:41] Before jumping into the episode, I'll share some details of my life and what has happened over the last couple of years since I last podcasted. While trying to keep it brief, some of my experience will be applicable to our topic today. The past two years have been a journey I never expected to walk and quite frankly that harmed me and my children.
[00:03:06] After filing a protective order and then filing for divorce, life for my children and me shifted dramatically.
[00:03:13] Though the protective order for Me has been extended multiple times.
[00:03:17] My children were removed from it early on, which led to an incredibly difficult and painful season. Over the year and a half since obtaining that protective order, my focus became protecting and stabilizing my children.
[00:03:31] Three of them were hospitalized for suicidal ideation, each expressing the deep impact of the trauma they had experienced from their father.
[00:03:40] During this time, I began to see more clearly how post separation abuse can continue and escalate long after leaving the relationship, not only through dishonesty and litigation, but through systems that at times appear to align with or enable the person behaving abusively. My former husband sent a text message indicating that he was withholding funds to make me homeless so he could gain custody of our children, who again were traumatized because of his behavior. Despite this evidence being presented in court, the judge still approved his request to place all sale proceeds from our home into escrow, effectively leaving me and my children without housing. When our home sold, one of our children had been suicidal and needed near constant supervision, and I had full custody of her, which made outside employment nearly impossible. At this point, experiencing that and other damaging decisions firsthand made it impossible to ignore how certain court rulings can actively contribute to harm rather than prevent it.
[00:04:48] I have seen many, many, many, many women since come to platforms and publicly speak about such issues.
[00:04:59] The problem is real, the problem is pervasive, and the problem has infiltrated our country in devastating ways. I cannot begin to state how thankful I am that the community truly saved me and my children from this emergency through crowdfunding Beauty from Ashes. And if any listeners participated in that rescue, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
[00:05:23] Even now, while I hope that my former husband is truly healing, I remain deeply concerned about the ongoing impact on our children. I continue to hear disturbing experiences and see upsetting results for my children. To make matters worse, multiple of his family members appeared in court on two occasions to testify that he is doing so much better now that we are no longer together, implying that I the cause of his abusive behavior.
[00:05:51] Narratives like this don't just minimize harm, they enable it. They dismiss the real trauma survivors endure and allow abuse to continue under the guise of healing.
[00:06:02] I'm not alone in facing this dynamic, and while every situation is complex, I will say this. It's not uncommon for someone who has been living a double life, breaking covenants, hiding addictions, or engaging in deceit to feel temporary relief when their secrets no longer need to be hidden.
[00:06:22] That relief is not evidence of healing.
[00:06:26] It's simply the absence of exposure. True healing comes through accountability, repentance, and repair, not through escaping the truth.
[00:06:36] I mention this so that others know that they are not alone when facing such narratives, which are common. Since becoming a certified victim advocate, I've heard many devastating stories of similar patterns, such as entire family systems showing up to court to defend the abuser while survivors are left unheard or shamed and even blamed. I've also witnessed defense attorneys behaving abhorrently toward those who have already been deeply harmed both inside and outside the courtroom.
[00:07:11] This dynamic isn't rare. It's part of a much larger problem that keeps survivors silent and unsafe.
[00:07:20] For anyone who has endured this kind of betrayal and disbelief, I want you to know I see you, I believe you, you are not alone and your experience matters.
[00:07:36] Another painful instance of abuse that I want to mention happened shortly after the community showed up so generously for me and my children through crowdfunding Last November, I shared a post on Facebook expressing my heartfelt gratitude.
[00:07:52] Not long after my account was hacked and it was clearly not random, someone added an older photo of me and my ex husband and and one of our children to that gratitude post, making it appear as though I had asked for help under false pretenses and that I was actually with and had reconciled with my abuser.
[00:08:15] That was not true.
[00:08:17] Unfortunately, my Facebook account was unrecoverable and I wasn't able to correct this publicly.
[00:08:24] For anyone who saw that altered post or was hurt or confused by it, please know how deeply sorry I am. This experience was devastating not only because of the lie itself, but because it attempted to undermine the truth of what my children and I have lived through.
[00:08:42] I am taking all possible legal measures to address this and I want to be absolutely clear.
[00:08:49] At no point since I filed for divorce have I reconciled with my former husband. The protective order remains in full effect and and was extended again this past February.
[00:09:01] I do have some beautiful things to add to my experience though.
[00:09:05] God can really create beautiful things from ashes and he has done just that with my story in July of 2024. So last year I was sitting in the temple and came to understand that he wanted me to write a trauma sensitive 12 step program.
[00:09:24] While I was homeless due to post separation abuse. I did just that. I studied, prayed and worked with the Lord to create what is now the first ever trauma sensitive 12 step program for survivors of relational trauma.
[00:09:41] It's called TS12anon for trauma sensitive 12 steps anonymous and attending meetings is free. So I would love to see you at a meeting sometime soon.
[00:09:53] Right now we have five and that is growing going.
[00:09:56] You can go to ts12anon.org to find or start a free meeting as such. I also founded and am the executive director of a Nonprofit organization that is the parent organization of TS12 Anon called Her Wings Unfold and we help those who have been affected by another's abuse, addiction, adultery or abandonment. In this role, I am also a certified victim advocate and sometimes work individually with survivors, which work is incredibly rewarding to me. This project has given me joy and purpose and truly has made Beauty From Ashes.
[00:10:34] Our story is still unfolding, but what I can say with confidence is that healing, advocacy and truth are powerful. We are learning slowly and steadily that even in the hardest chapters, hope and resilience can coexist with grief and loss.
[00:10:53] Beauty from Ashes Beauty from Ashes thank you for the space to share that synopsis of my last couple years let's shift now to a time of great upheaval, when the children of Israel were escaping their own abusers. I feel like Heavenly Father recently gave me some profound insights about abuse.
[00:11:14] Those who abuse, coercive control, which is the root of all abuse, and even a softening of my view toward the children of Israel. To be honest, as a survivor myself, I was surprised that I had missed some of these patterns and insights. I had been taught a narrative and not until recently did I start to question that narrative.
[00:11:37] So I'm going to open my scriptures here and if you want to follow along with any of this, I am going to be working out of the book of Exodus.
[00:11:48] You'll probably hear page turning and if you hear snoring. By the way, my dog is sitting here by me and she provides me great comfort, so I'm not having her leave.
[00:11:58] I want to start with some really, really, really beautiful validation.
[00:12:04] I am in Exodus 3 right now and we'll bring up a few things. So I want to bring up Moses shows up differently than the children of Israel here in all the chapters.
[00:12:17] And as I've thought about that quite a bit, I've wondered why that is and how he could be stronger.
[00:12:25] And I think there are multiple things, but I want to bring up too, that Moses was not raised in slavery. He didn't experience that.
[00:12:34] He was able to kind of break free and to be different in a way.
[00:12:41] So he hadn't been under that direct course of control as far as we know, at least. I mean, he was affected by it, but not like the children of Israel. And the children of Israel were enslaved, they were abused, they were controlled, they were watched all the time they had limited freedom and they really, really struggled. However, it's also all that they knew. So I'll bring up what a trauma bond is, and I just want to suggest.
[00:13:12] I'm not a clinician, I can't diagnose, but as I've thought about this quite a bit and have experienced a trauma bond, I want to point out that they likely were experiencing a trauma bond, if that makes sense. A trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that forms between a person and someone else who is causing them harm, often through a repeating cycle of abuse and intermittent kindness, fear, and hope. So it kind of goes back and forth. It's this push, pull. And for the children of Israel, this could look like, yes, they have to work, and yes, they don't have freedom and all of these things, but they do have food to eat, and they have good food to eat. We learn because they want it later, they miss it later, so they have food to eat. Their needs are taken care of, and while they are suffering, there is kindness in between, if that makes sense. It's like they get good things and hard things, and in a lot of ways, because their freedom is taken from them, they don't know the difference. So this is Exodus 3, and I want to just point out this beautiful, beautiful thing where in verse four, says, and when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see God called unto him out of the midst of the bush and said, moses, Moses.
[00:14:41] And he said, here am I. In case it feels good. I think each one of us who have suffered in these very intense, grueling ways have been called. And so for me might be Jenny, Jenny, here am I. If your name is Becky, Becky, Becky, here am I. You know, whatever your name is, Amanda, whatever your name is. He's calling. He's calling. And we can respond and say, here am I. And basically, what do you need? What do you want me to do, Lord?
[00:15:14] Moving on to verse 16. I think this is so beautiful right here because what we're seeing in verse 16 is truly like, I feel seen. It says, I have surely visited you and seen that which is done unto you in Egypt.
[00:15:33] So just replace Egypt with maybe your home or your marriage or your relationship or. Or whatever is causing you great harm.
[00:15:43] And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt or whatever harm you're experiencing unto the land of whatever it is that is flowing with milk and honey. I think for me, it's like when I read these scriptures, what I gain is I am seen. He knows how hard this is, he knows how painful this is, and he is going to rescue me. I don't know how and I don't know when, but he is going to rescue me. And when I think of a land flowing with milk and honey, neither of which I like to eat plain, by the way, but the concept is, it's beautiful, it's tasty, it's good, it's lovely.
[00:16:25] And so it gives me this picture and this image of better days to come.
[00:16:30] So in case it's helpful to hear, for you and for me, I do believe there are better days to come, beautiful days to come, days that are filled with peace and hope and a rich life, rich in love and abundance and whatever that looks like something that I love in the end of chapter four is that at one point we've got Moses and Aaron now is his spokesperson, right?
[00:17:00] And they gather together all of the elders of Israel. So the leadership and they tell the elders what the Lord has commanded, that he wants to free them. And what I love about this here is it says, and the people believed. And when they heard that the Lord had visited the children of Israel and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshiped.
[00:17:28] And so I want you and I to remember that God does see us. He does look upon our affliction. He does have compassion for us.
[00:17:38] We can bow our heads and worship him.
[00:17:41] We can.
[00:17:42] And there's power in it, and there's humility in it. And we're looking at. When we're looking at our escape as working in relationship and gaining relationship with the Savior, I think it's helpful to consider these things. So let's move on to Pharaoh and how Pharaoh responds and really how Pharaoh responds in abusive ways, using coercive control. So first the Lord says, of course, let my people go. And he says this over and over. This is the commandment, let my people go. And Pharaoh says, here, this is chapter 5, Exodus 5, 2.
[00:18:27] Who is the Lord that I should obey his voice to? Let Israel God, I know not the Lord, neither will I let Israel go. And I want to bring out that. They then respond, and they say, well, let us go. We pray the three days journey into the desert and sacrifice unto the Lord our God, lest he fall upon us with pestilence or with a sword. So they warn him here, they warn him of what they have been told the Lord is going to do. And Pharaoh's response is so classically abusive that it's. Is there a playbook that people who Use this kind of thing.
[00:19:03] Use, he says in verse eight.
[00:19:06] And the tail of the bricks which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them. Ye shall not diminish, ought thereof. For they be idle.
[00:19:16] Therefore they cry, saying, let us go and sacrifice to our God. And so I just want to focus on the part. They be idle because one thing that is just absolutely drilled into a survivor's head is that we're not enough or we're too much. Here's this people who is building their cities, and they are slaves, and Pharaoh is calling them lazy, right?
[00:19:44] So some of us might be called lazy. Some of us might have been told, or it's implied that we're not pretty enough or not thin enough or not smart enough or not good enough with money or whatever it is. We are not enough. But I want you to know it's a lie.
[00:20:06] It's absolutely a lie.
[00:20:09] It's a lie that the adversary uses. He used it all these thousands of years ago, and he uses it today as well. And so Pharaoh exerts his control by doing this. He says, okay, now we're going to make it so that you don't get any straw. We've been giving you straw this time to make the bricks for what we need, but now we're not going to give you any straw. And so not only do you have to go collect the straw and make the bricks, but you better not be slow about it, because if you are, then I'm just going to make sure that, you know, again, you are lazy. Idle, Right? He calls them idle again. And it's easy now to look through this and say, that's not fair. That's not right. Right.
[00:20:56] And it's not okay to call them lazy when he gave them more work to do with fewer resources. This is not okay.
[00:21:05] I want to point out how this can look in modern circumstances.
[00:21:09] So in modern days, we might have somebody who's behaving abusively, and they might demand, for instance, that things be cleaner or things happen with the house more with money, more with children, differently. But they might not contribute financially, or they withhold their emotional support, which is very, very common.
[00:21:33] Or they might withhold other forms of support and therefore expecting us to show up in ways that they expect to happen, but without the support and means to do that. And when Pharrell says you're idle, you're idle. You know, that might sound today like you're overreacting or you're lazy and that's why the house is a mess. Or if you'd just be more positive.
[00:21:58] I wouldn't have to get so angry.
[00:22:01] When there's spiritual abuse, we might hear something like, God wants you to obey me. Or if you were truly spiritual, you'd forgive and stay. This keeps survivors trapped in guilt instead of supported in faith. Let's move on to chapter six and I want to point out yet more validation, more of the people being seen. So starting in verse five, it says, and I have also heard the groanings of the children of Israel.
[00:22:30] So if we're thinking about this, it's like, I have seen you, Jenny. I have seen you, Aaron or Christie or whoever. I have seen you. I know that you're hurting. And I have also heard the groanings of the children of Israel whom the Egyptians keep in bondage.
[00:22:48] And I have remembered my covenant. Wherefore say unto the children of Israel, I am the Lord and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. And I will rid you of their bondage. And I will redeem you with a stretched out arm and with great judgments.
[00:23:09] And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God.
[00:23:15] And ye shall know that I am the Lord your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. So not only is he seeing us, but he's reminding us, I am your God. I love you.
[00:23:29] I am going to help you here. I am going to deliver you. And I am going to just state that this was a process and not an event. Right? It was a long process for the children of Israel to become free.
[00:23:42] And so for you and me, like, who might be in the middle of these things, sometimes it feels like really you're going to show up for me.
[00:23:51] And I just want to say, yes, I do believe that he will. I don't know when, I don't know how.
[00:23:58] I don't think it's this immediate thing. Typically it is this process.
[00:24:03] Like the children of Israel are going through all of these plagues, like the event with the bricks. Pharaoh makes it harder for them and it's not always easy, but eventually they do get to go free. So I'll just mention briefly the plagues that. That went through. I'm just gonna scroll through my scriptures here. So I remember, but. But we've got Blood Water, right where he turns the water into blood and it kills fish that stink.
[00:24:33] And there is nothing to drink for seven days. And on this occasion for Pharaoh just kind of. It says in verse 23, he turned and went into his house. Neither did he set his heart to this also?
[00:24:46] So he just kind of ignored it and acted like whatever kind of thing. And I'm just going to put it out there. Does that sound familiar or not? Not everybody's stories are the same, but Pharaoh's actions are classic and they're reminiscent of things I have seen. And so then we've got the plague of frogs. So many frogs that they're jumping in the ovens, which, can you imagine? They are on the beds and. And they just. There's so many frogs. And Pharaoh is very frustrated with the frogs. And so at one point in verse eight, he says, I will let the people go that they may do sacrifice unto the Lord. And so he's like, yes, yes, I'm going to let you guys go. Just, you know, release this plague of frogs. And so verse 13 says, and the Lord did, according to the word of Moses, and the frogs died out of the houses, out of the villages, and out of the fields. And they gathered them together upon heaps and the land stank. But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart and hearkened not unto them, as the Lord had said. And I want to point out Pharaoh does this multiple times where he promises to let the people go and then doesn't. And so I want to. I want to bring this up, and maybe we're not pleading for people to let us go, but. But how many times have. Have you heard in your situation, I'm sorry, I'm going to change. Here's the things that I'm going to do. And maybe some change happens for a little bit. Maybe it happens, you know, for a brief period of time, and then the destructive patterns come again. We call this actually the abuse cycle. And this is really important to know because yes, people can make mistakes and we can forgive mistakes.
[00:26:31] And when it's a pattern, that's a different story in that, okay, we still need to forgive, but a pattern needs to be broken or else it is unrelenting, it is painful, it is destructive, it harms us, we lose ourselves. People forget who they are and that they have value. It is not okay when these patterns repeat and repeat and repeat. So when we have people saying, yes, I know that I've broken covenants or that I've. Whatever the issue is that I've harmed you in these ways and now I'm going to show up better, and they do for a time, and then they go back to it and this repeats over time, then we know that this is actually a destructive pattern. That is causing harm. This is not okay. This is actually abuse.
[00:27:25] And I know abuse is a hard word. I know it is. For me, it was so hard to accept, because for me, it's like, if I'm being abused, what does that say about me? Am I weak? Am I not enough, or am I yucky that I just need to be treated terribly? Like, there was so much shame in it. And shame is. It speaks things, at least in these cases where it's not true.
[00:27:52] It's just lies being repeated and questions that are so very painful. And so then we've got lice, and it's like the dust of the air is lice. So to me, that paints quite a picture of how many lice there were. We've got flies, swarms of flies, and after the flies. By the way, in verse 28, Pharaoh's saying, you can go. But here's his caveat. He says, you, ye shall not go very far away. Entreat for me. So does this sound abusive? To where it's like, I'm gonna let you do a little bit, but don't go very far because, you know, I need to know where you are or whatever. There's control in that. And that is part, of course, of control. And in that instance, he still didn't let the people go anyways. And then we have the plague of killing cattle and then huge, awful and painful boils. And then we have hail fire. It's intense. It's hail fire. And then we have Pharaoh. And see if this sounds familiar. This is Exodus 9, verse 27.
[00:28:57] I have sinned. This time the Lord is righteous, and I and my people are wicked.
[00:29:03] So there's some false humility, right? Because if it's true humility, he's going to follow up with genuine change, with genuine things to make lasting, firm, good change. But he does not have this intent. And it says in verse 34, and when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders were ceased, he sinned yet more and hardened his heart. And he and his servants. And the heart of the Pharaoh was hardened. Neither would he let the children of Israel go, as the Lord had spoken by Moses. The next plague is locusts. And the locusts come, and they just devour the fields and their crops. And at this point, Pharaoh says, go serve the Lord your God. And of course, Pharaoh goes back on his word again and doesn't let them go.
[00:29:55] And again we have false humility. This is chapter 10, verse 16.
[00:30:01] He says, I have sinned against the Lord your God. And against you. Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and entreat the Lord your God, that he may take away from me this death only. And again, Pharaoh does not let the people go. The next plague is darkness for three days.
[00:30:22] And Pharaoh again says in verse 24 of chapter 10, Go, ye serve the Lord only. Let your flocks and your herds be stayed. Let your little ones also go with you. And then verse 27. And he would not let them go. The next plague, of course, is one that is devastating for so many. And it's the Passover. This is chapter 11, verse 5. And it says, and all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even into the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill, and all the firstborn of beasts.
[00:31:02] And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was now none like it, nor shall be like it anymore.
[00:31:12] So we have devastation here. We have death of animals, of humans. It is absolutely devastating. And, of course, the way that this is thwarted is the angel of death would pass them by if there was lamb's blood on their door. And this time, this time, Pharaoh does let them go.
[00:31:40] But, of course, we know he changes his mind. And first, I want to bring up. This is Exodus 13. And verse 18 says, but God led the people about through the way of the wilderness of the Red Sea, and the children of Israel went up, harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
[00:31:57] And harnessed means equipped for battle.
[00:32:01] So basically, here's the people.
[00:32:04] They're planning strategically as best they can because they're aware of the dangers here. Okay? And I love this because, you know, for us as survivors, the statistics are pretty staggering that 75% of domestic homicides occur at or after separation.
[00:32:25] It's terrifying. Sometimes we have to be strategic. Sometimes we have to be armored up, whatever that looks like. What I am suggesting is we do have to protect ourselves.
[00:32:38] And that can look different for everybody. But I do believe that as we partner with the Lord, he can let us know what that looks like for us. And so here we have where the people are realizing, and they. They enjoyed having slaves, you know, so chapter 14 of Exodus. The people are starting to regret letting the people of Israel go. And to me, I'm like, gosh, did you not see all of these plagues and your firstborn? Oh, my gosh, how devastating to have all of these things happen and their flocks are gone and, you know, their Cattle. And just so many devastating things happen. And. And yet here we have again, in verse five, they say, why have we done this? That we may have let Israel go from serving us.
[00:33:27] So we've got a classic concept of abuse, really, that somebody who's behaving abusively will regret that they don't have that control anymore, that they don't have whoever they have to serve them and to meet their needs according to what they thought they should have. And so the people, they come up to the Red Sea and some are frustrated because there was a different way where they wouldn't be blocked, but this was the way the Lord told them to go. Doesn't look like it makes sense, but this was what the Lord told them to do, you know. And so they have the Egyptians hot on their heels and they are afraid, I just want to say, for anybody leaving an abusive relationship, and if this triggers pain in you or fear in you, I am sorry. I relate. And let's see if this helps any of us feel better.
[00:34:24] Verse 13 and 14 say, and Moses said unto the people, fear ye not stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today.
[00:34:37] For the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more, forever.
[00:34:43] The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. And here's the fascinating part to me is that there is no other way. They've got the Egyptians hot on their heels.
[00:34:57] They have got this big red sea. God is the only way through. He's it.
[00:35:04] He's the only way through. And of course, Moses uses that staff. He places it in the water and the waters part and they walk through on dry ground, not on muddy ground, on dry ground.
[00:35:21] And as they pass through, Moses then releases the staff and the waters fall upon the Egyptians and many die.
[00:35:32] So I want to state that it doesn't always look this neat and packaged and now we have this happily ever after. But sometimes it does. Sometimes for you and me to go through and to face these very, very, very hard challenges with courage and partnering with the Lord to help us, I just have this belief that as we do this, he will help us. I don't know what that looks like. I don't think it always turns out beautifully. It is really scary. One thing that I feel like is often different is these people left the Egyptians and they didn't ever have to see them again.
[00:36:17] And for instance, in cases like mine and in others, we have to co parent with our abuser. We do have to see them again or partner with them in some way or text or something. Like, we have to communicate for our children's best interest, and it is very, very difficult to do so. It's not always this.
[00:36:36] There gets to be an end here.
[00:36:39] Sometimes it looks different.
[00:36:42] So I'm not stating that we get to be necessarily free from our abusers like the children of Israel, but what I do think is that God somehow provides a way for us to get through and hopefully to survive better.
[00:36:57] And I will state also that I am well aware that the court system is an issue for many, many in this area.
[00:37:08] And what I'm hopeful is, is that our voices can rise up and say, no more.
[00:37:13] This is not okay. Our children deserve safety and we deserve safety as well. And this is not okay. Something else that I'll point out is that in chapter 15, when the children of Israel do arrive, they are so excited. They praise the Lord.
[00:37:30] They thank him. He's glorious.
[00:37:33] They're like recounting what he did for them.
[00:37:36] They ask in verse 11, who is like unto thee, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?
[00:37:48] Thou stretchest out thy right hand, the earth swallowed them. Thou and thy mercy has led forth the people which thou hast redeemed.
[00:37:58] Thou has guided them in thy strength unto thy holy habitation.
[00:38:03] And I'm about to close up here, but one other thing that I want to point out is that sometimes the children of Israel do get a bad rap because they do murmur. I think this is a good lesson. First of all, it's not as black and white as I think people see it. If we look at it like these people are trauma bonded, they're struggling.
[00:38:24] This is all that they've known.
[00:38:26] I want to have some compassion on them. And I can tell that the Lord has a great deal of compassion on this people because of how he responds, which is unfailingly kind. I mean, there are consequences.
[00:38:39] But oh my goodness, does he want this people? And his hands are stretched out still just continually.
[00:38:45] Here we have chapter 16, verse three. And the children of Israel said unto them would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt when we sat by the flesh pots and we did eat bread to the full. For we have for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger. So basically they are starving, you know, and about this time, soon after is when the Lord introduces manna. But they're starving.
[00:39:16] And apparently they're forgetting, you know, all of the beautiful miracles which the Lord has done for them.
[00:39:22] But I see this time as this time of the Lord proving the children of Israel, of showing up for them, being kind with them, and gentle and tender, and of showing them actually I am a good God. But I want to point out that we can be prone to doing this as well. Oh my gosh. I can't believe that I'm gone out of this marriage now. And now I cannot protect my children. I just. I have a lot of compassion. That is a reality thing. That is a real fear or there's financial stability in being, being in this marriage or just all the things. So for me, post separation abuse has been very intense. And that wasn't necessarily present right when I was in the marriage. I was suffering different kinds of abuse.
[00:40:12] I have a lot of space and grace.
[00:40:14] And I think if the children of Israel had had just plain said, I'm hungry, we're worried, and Lord, I know you can provide, it would have been a bit different.
[00:40:27] But where they complained against Moses with this feeling of, and now we're going to die and you just let us hear, for no good reason, they somehow forgot God.
[00:40:39] And I feel like God was tender towards them and he was teaching them that he loved them, he was faithful even when they weren't. So when. When you and I might struggle with reasonable thoughts, what we probably don't want to do is go to the point of saying.
[00:40:55] Saying things that lack faith.
[00:40:58] That doesn't mean that we can't tell him we're angry, that we're hurt or anything like that. My personal boundary is that I want to stay curious with the Lord when I tell him about pains. And in fact, one of the things I love to do is to say, this sure feels like abandonment from you, but you're God and surely you wouldn't do that to me. But it feels like it. Are you abandoning me? You know, and give him the opportunity to answer.
[00:41:26] Because I think that when I can look at it like that and that it's this relationship, this beautiful relationship of give and take and explaining and communication and that I'm learning to hear what he has to say. And he's giving me space for where my heart is.
[00:41:43] And that is hard. This is so hard.
[00:41:47] I want to end with a poem I wrote called Let My People Go.
[00:41:51] And this might not resonate with everyone, it might resonate with some. So if you find yourself in here, I am holding you in so much compassion.
[00:42:03] Let my people go.
[00:42:05] He promises he'll change.
[00:42:07] Just hold on one more time. He swears this time will be different.
[00:42:14] She's heard those words before, again and again.
[00:42:20] Let my people go.
[00:42:22] Her eyes open wider now.
[00:42:24] She begins to see that broken promises are patterns, words without change or whispers of control dressed as remorse.
[00:42:36] Let my people go.
[00:42:42] She sees the intent to harm, not to heal, and so she leads angels guiding her trembling steps. She stumbles, she falls, but each time she rises again.
[00:42:59] When she stands tall, he pushes her harder to make her small.
[00:43:05] Let my people go.
[00:43:09] He demands his rights, forgetting that love never demands and rights never include the right to harm, turning justice into torment.
[00:43:34] Let my people go.
[00:43:38] At night she cries for her children, for their safety, their peace, their belonging.
[00:43:49] With tear stained cheeks and breaking heart, she prays, Let my children go.
[00:43:56] Let my children go.
[00:43:59] And now she trusts the Lord to intervene, whatever that may look like.
[00:44:05] She remembers the God who fought for Israel, who parted seas for the enslaved, and she believes he will fight for her and her children too.
[00:44:16] And one day she will say with tears of relief and joy, he would not let us go.
[00:44:25] But the Lord said enough.
[00:44:28] With a mighty hand he broke the bonds. The waters fled before his word and she walked through on holy ground.
[00:44:37] Now by his strength, by his grace, we are free.
[00:44:54] Thank you for joining me on Healing in Christ Light. If you are a survivor who needed this message, I am holding you in a lot of compassion. And if you know of a survivor who can use this message, please feel free to share it with them. I invite you to subscribe to this podcast and join me on Instagram.
